The goddesses and gods I served only responded to performance. Having said that, one would expect that the more devoted I became in my daily rituals, the more they would respond with favor, except that this was not the case. The more devoted I became, the further away they seemed to be. Many prayers went unanswered and I felt more alone and confused than ever. Some days my shrine would be devoid of anything even remotely tangibly spiritual - only beautifully carved idols would serve as an empty reminder that this was a place of worship. On the odd occasion I would feel the presence of the gods and goddesses, but I really, really had to earn it. No matter how hard I tried, that beautiful, flowing magick began to elude me.
The gods and goddesses – I was taught – have human characteristics including mood swings, which became apparent one particular day when my main goddess humiliated me, publicly. This came as an absolute shock, for by this stage I had been serving her faithfully for almost ten years and was at the height of my devotion. The last thing I expected was betrayal, after all, she was my Mother - so I had been led to believe. Strangely, my power, which had been used according to the principles and rules laid out, seemed to be waning as well! So, I tried harder to earn favor and affection from the gods and my peers.
An amazing flip-side of this little coin is Grace. The Christian God is all about Grace. A common fallacy penetrating our generation is this; we need to be good enough to enter God’s presence; this belief actually drove me away from a loving Creator and right into the arms of false gods. It took years to realize that this is not the Christian God’s attitude at all; it is actually man-made! Jesus Christ died for me while I was still estranged from Him. He didn’t wait for me to shape up or perform or even for me to introduce myself. While I was still a sinner, Christ died for me. He loved me even then! Why? It’s His nature. He is Love.
The strangest and perhaps most difficult concept for me to accept has been one of grace – God’s unmerited favor. To be simply loved, accepted and cherished, without having to earn any of it – a gift from a loving Creator. What’s more, He gives me what I ask of Him, provided I ask according to His will, which is really not hard, considering He has only my best interests at heart. In fact God promises He will never stop doing good to me with His whole heart! He promises that He is able to do above and beyond anything I could ever wish for or imagine. He says He will never reject me. He promises to never abandon me. He promises eternal friendship. He says I wear His seal. Why? Because before I was born, He had me on His mind. This is too wonderful to comprehend some days. I don’t have to strive to feel anything. I Know He is with me and for me. The Holy Spirit living inside of me bears witness to the fact that I am His daughter. I also received power when He came upon me unlike any magick I have ever experienced! I did not need years of ardent learning for that. God bestows on us love, power and a sound mind not fear and confusion.
I no longer need ritual to enter a spiritual presence that may or may not accept me. God the Father tells me to come boldly into His throne room of Grace. What a difference. There are certainly no regrets.
Scriptural references:
Rejection and abandonment: 1 Samuel 12:22; Matthew 28:20; John 14:8;
Protection: Psalm 91:9 –11; Isaiah 26:3
Grace and God’s character: Psalm 145:9; Jeremiah 29:11; Jeremiah 33:11; Psalm 84:11
He gives me my heart’s desires: Psalm 37:4-6; Psalm 84:11; Ephesians 3:20
Peace: John 14:27
Power: Isaiah 40:29; Luke 10:19; Acts 1:8
Favor: Proverbs 3:4; 2 Corinthians 12:9
Loneliness: Psalm 25:16
Cath
ex Isian Witch
Article available @ www.refugeministries.cc