Well, You've both asked for fairly detailed replies so I'll handle them one at a time. Since scorpion replied first it's only fair that I answer your questions first scorpion.

Scorpion, when did I "turn against God"? it's a complex question and really I can only answer it with the life story of my religious experience. Apologies for the length this may involve. My family four generations ago belonged to the Church of England, however over the generations belief has slowly faded away until when I was born there wasn't any mention of this whole "God" thing at all.

So I was raised not particularly believing in anything and quite frankly my life was just like anyone elses. I was taught to be moral, kind to others, polite (the polite thing I scrapped a little while ago when I found out that people appreciate funny a whole lot more). I had a bunch of hobbies, I enjoyed school, got good grades and had a couple of good friends.

Then, one year, our school introduced a new program called "religious education" though it was in actual fact christian education. Priests would come along to our school every few weeks and spend a few hours telling us bible stories.

I was still fairly young and being used to fantasy stories and fables I just assumed these were some made up stories with morals. Then finally one day I caught on that these priest people actually believed in the crazy stories they were telling. Not just as fables, but they thought these things actually happened... from talking snakes to people rising from the dead.

It was at about this point, near graduation (from primary school), that they scrapped telling stories and decided to get us to accept Jesus as our saviour. I thought the whole idea was pretty crazy, until I found out that my best friend believed in all this stuff. I worshipped the ground this guy walked on, and if he thought it was real then I wasn't going to doubt him.

So I read out the little prayer they gave us closed my eyes and prepared to receive God into my heart... I saw my black eyelids, heard the sounds of others praying around me and didn't feel anything much except a sore backside from the hard chair I was sitting in.

It wasn't too much of a dissapointment, I genuinely believed something would happen, but when it didn't it's not like I had lost anything. I realised that day that the whole thing was made up, most people just thought they felt something when praying because it was suggested to them that they would. At the very least I got a free bible out of the whole deal, as chance would have it, the very same bible I use now to make jokes about this God thing.

I didn't believe in religion anymore but had no problems with it. I was happy to live my own life and let you guys believe whatever you wanted. Then I got bombarded over and over again with your messages. People would ask me about my beliefs and act shock when I just said that I didn't really believe in anything. Crazy people would hand me fliers on the street. You'd threaten people with hell and tell people how to live their lives.

I'm not willing to put up with that, the loudest members of your religion are hassling me and the rest of the community with what I consider to be fairy-tales. So I write a few essays, a bit of humour pointing out how silly some of your beliefs are and next thing you know I'm doing this stuff fulltime.

I wouldn't say I hate christians or gods, though sometimes I must admit that I can get close with the more bigoted christians out there. I just think you guys believe in some really goofy stuff and it's worth a good laugh now and then.

Let's say, hypothetically, that there is a God. I don't think there is, but hell, I've been wrong before. Now this God guy would be damn awesome, he created this entire universe, he's been around for 13 billion years and seen some fantastic sights.

Do you really think the supreme lord of all creation would be bothered by my sense of humour? I'd like to think he'd have a bit of a laugh at it, though compared to such an intelligent being my humour and writing would be very childish.

Can you picture Jesus, supposedly the holiest and most moral being in all of the human race, going "well he was a nice guy but he didn't believe in me so I think I'll toast him for breakfast"?

I must admit, if you see your God being insulted by such petty things you have even less respect for him than I do.

While I don't believe in your God thankyou for asking him to bless me and if he exists I hope that he blesses you as well. Either way, nice to meet you Scorpion.

Yours,
Michael.